ON THE STREETS OF BEDFORD — With the spring deer population reportedly reaching levels described by Township residents as “biblical, but with worse table manners,” the Bee asked five Bedford-area locals to clarify the proper protocol when a deer wanders onto a front lawn.
ALWAYS-GOT-A-TAKE LARRY: “I look him dead in the eye. We have an understanding. I don’t bother him, he doesn’t bother me, and neither of us mentions what happened in the hostas in 2021.”
SOCCER MOM OF THE YEAR, FOUR CONSECUTIVE YEARS: “I take one picture for the family group chat, I ask whether anyone knows whose tulips those used to be, and then I get back in the van. The van has not been turned off in seven weeks. We are very busy.”
LIFELONG BEDFORDER WHO REMEMBERS WHEN STERNS ROAD WAS GRAVEL: “Used to be we’d just nod. Now they want eye contact, a handshake, an introduction to the dog. The whole thing’s gotten formal. Last week one of them tried to give me his card.”
WEEKEND WARRIOR ON THE RIDING MOWER: “I keep mowing. If I stop, the mower stops. If the mower stops, I have to admit I’ve been out here four hours and only finished a quarter of the lawn. The deer understands. We have reached a wordless agreement.”
RECENTLY ARRIVED FROM TOLEDO: “There is one. In my yard. Right now. As we speak. I have been on hold with Animal Control for forty-five minutes. The phone tree has now offered me Spanish, French, and what I believe is the dialing tone for the Sterns Road traffic cones.”
The Township’s official protocol on residential deer encounters, per a 2011 ordinance no living person has ever read, recommends “courteous distance, mild conversation, and absolutely no eye contact during rutting season.” When reached for further clarification, the Township’s Public Works office referred all questions to the deer.
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